The Spark of Youth
by Leven
Summary: AU from start to finish. The journey of a pair of best friends, for better or for worse. RayNeela.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ray, Neela or ER in general. They belong to NBC and all the other people who have something thing to do with this show.

**What you need to know: **Set in Chicago, at a make-believe high school. Ray and Neela are both juniors, Neela just moved to Chicago, because her father's blooming restaurant chain needs him in the US. For the rest…read and thy shall discover.

* * *

_**Chapter 1**_

_January, __2002_

It was a cold day, but still, outside the winter wonderland that was New Hallow High School one girl sat lonely. She was completely immersed in her book, bundled up in layers upon layers of clothing, a forgotten sandwich next to her in the snow. Suddenly a voice startled her.

"This is our spot."

Nearly dropping her book in the snow, she turned her head, only to see two boys glaring at her. She recognized them from around the school, she thought. But it was only her first day at New Hallow and this was a big school. A big school full of people she had never met. It made her feel rather lonely. But she'd never been the type of person to be intimidated into leaving anywhere, so she held her ground.

"It's warmer inside." She told them, looking them straight in the eyes.

"Yes," said the biggest of the boys, "why don't you go enjoy that warmth and get off our spot?"

She smiled – tried not to though – happy for a conversation of any kind. "Well, I could say because it's full of the biggest bunch of snobs I've ever seen. But that would be a lie."

The other boy let out a rather girly giggle. The one who seemed to think he was the boss smirked.

"You trying to pretend there's bigger snobs out there?" He said, disbelief clearly written all over his face.

"Oh yeah, it's full of 'em back home." Which was true, her school back home really was full of snobs. There was a silence and she understood the boys were still waiting for her to leave. She smiled her sweetest smile instead and invited them to sit down. "Plenty of room for three people."

The bigger boy glared at her some more, arms crossed across his chest, but the other boy didn't hesitate to sit down. He gave her a sort of half smile and looked at his friend expectantly. He didn't move.

"Don't be an ass, Kyle." The smaller boy said, finally opening his mouth.

The bigger boy, apparently named Kyle, gave his friend the finger but sat down anyway.

"I'm Ray," says the other boy, "that's Kyle. And, yes, he's always like that."

"I'm Neela. I'm new here."

"Obviously." When Neela looked at him confused, Ray elaborated, "People know this is our spot. And people are pretty scared of us so…"

Neela scoffed, "Scared? You don't look very scary to me."

Ray smirked. "Well, he's a big crazy lunatic and I have big mouth and a bunch of friends just like him."

"Definitely got a big mouth…" Kyle grumbled. Neela studied them carefully; Kyle was indeed a big guy, sandy blonde hair cut short, making his ears look rather big, he _was_ intimidating in more ways than one. Ray on the other hand was a scrawny guy, not too tall either, his brown hair shaggy and in his face. Not particularly threatening, maybe a bit arrogant. They were a rather odd pair.

"Well, I can't say I'm too scared yet, maybe you should show me some of those friends."

Ray was about to say something, when the bell rang in the distance. He smirked instead – he did that a lot, Neela had noticed.

She closed her book and stuffed it with her uneaten sandwich in her bag. She eyed the boys one more time, deciding that maybe she liked them (she could use some friends, after all) and smiled.

"See you guys around." Neela said. Ray smiled back and nodded. Kyle just grunted.

-------------------

New Hallow really was freaking big. Big, intimidating, crowded. Day two really wasn't any less scary than day one for Neela. She found herself still being dutifully ignored by everyone including her teacher during her first class of the day. The history of the US was (in her honest, unbiased opinion) sleep inducing, and her teacher really was less than helpful.

A feeling of pure relief washed over her when she arrived in her second class. Biology, something she actually liked, surely would help her get through the day. Her teacher seemed nice enough, but placed her next to a girl that seemed questionable. It started off too perky for Neela's taste.

"Hi! I'm Regina, nice to meet you!" Regina smiled a big, white smile and quickly made place for Neela.

"Uh, hi." Neela said, highly uncomfortable with the girl's spirit. "I'm Neela."

Regina's blue eyes widened and her smile got even bigger than it already was. "You're _British_? That is so cool! I went to London last summer, it was awesome. The underground was so much better than what we have and I met this guy with –"

"Miss Leon, why don't you tell this story after class?"

Regina looked properly chastised and Neela was glad for the interruption. After class though, the perky brunette followed Neela into the hallway, ready to continue her story. It seemed Neela was stuck with her. And even though part of her was annoyed by the non-stop one way conversation, a different, bigger part was glad to have someone notice her.

Especially since she hadn't seen Ray and Kyle yet. If they even remembered who she was.

-------------------

For Ray Barnett New Hallow High was the earthly equivalent of hell. He had his friends, sure, but his friends were mostly unreliable stoners. It was a good school, of course, his mom wouldn't have it differently, but school wasn't his priority. He was infamous here, fine, but infamy at a preppy high school in Chicago wasn't his dream, per se.

He spent most of his days either avoiding class or sleeping through them. He was planning to do the former to his English Lit class that Tuesday, but while turning the corner that led away from the classroom he noticed something. This something, specifically, was Neela ('that British chick' as Kyle so charmingly called her) being followed around by a babbling brunette and heading into his class.

_Damn_. Now he had to go.

Mr. Mallard seemed surprised to see him, which amused Ray to no end. Neela however did not seem to notice him at all. She was nodding absent mindedly to whatever Regina (oh, he knew who she was alright) was talking about.

Ray put on his best nonchalant face and sat in the seat next to her. Not seconds after he'd sat down Neela turned to face him, nearly jumping out of her chair. She wasn't expecting someone to sit next to her.

"Neela, right?" All charm and smiles. Neela was cute, and he knew how to play this game. Even if she didn't seem to be getting it, because she was looking at him like a deer into headlights.

"You're Ray, from the…I'm Neela. Yeah." Neela struggled to get the words out. She really wasn't expecting to see him today (or ever again, really).

Behind Neela Regina let out some fake coughs. She seemed a little put out at being interrupted from her story.

"Leave her alone, Ray." Regina said, suddenly a lot less perky.

Ray rolled his eyes. "Nice to see you too, Reggie. How're the folks?"

Regina gave him an angry look. "Why are you here?"

"I'm in this class."

"You haven't been in this class since…you've never been in this class."

They glared at each other for a while until Neela broke the silence.

"Mr. Mallard is staring at us." The teacher was indeed staring at them. Regina quickly turned to face him, but Ray grabbed his bag, stood up and left the classroom. He shouted a quick "Bathroom!" on the way out.

-------------------

It wasn't until after school that Neela saw Ray again. She'd already missed her bus and nobody was answering the phone at home. It was a long walk to her house, and she was hoping a different bus would come soon.

Instead a black, beaten up car stopped in front of her. Ray's smile greeted her when she looked to see who was in it. She could make out Kyle in the passenger seat.

"Need a ride?" Ray asked, smirking. She'd noticed he never stopped smirking.

"Really?" In the back of her mind Neela vaguely remembered her mother (and every other adult she'd ever met) telling not to get into cars with strange boys. But…she really needed a ride. And Ray's car _looked_ safe enough.

Ray nodded. "Got plenty of room. Get in the back."

Neela quickly got into the car (before she could change her mind). Ray started driving, Kyle stared at her. Neela smiled nervously.

"Hi, Kyle." Kyle said nothing back. "How are you?" No reply. "O…kay."

Ray laughed. "He's not gonna say anything. He's still waking up from the nap he took during Economics. Where do you live, by the way?"

Neela told him her address and Ray grimaced. "Then we are not going in the right direction."

He made a sharp turn and Neela tumbled over. Her common sense took over and she grabbed for a seat belt, finding none.

"Um, Ray? Your car has no seatbelts."

Ray looked at her like she'd grown a second head. "It's a '64 Chevy Impala, Neela. It's a classic. It's not supposed to have seatbelts. I'm restoring it."

Neela looked around, scared. "Your car is not finished?"

"Don't look so terrified." He said, trying to calm her down. "It's perfectly safe."

Neela gave him a look. "Tell me that again after we crash and this thing falls apart."

Ray was slightly offended by this. "Don't insult my car."

"Alright, alright." Neela said, not wanting to be kicked out of the car. "Don't get you knickers in a twist."

After a few minutes they arrived at Neela's house. As the car stopped Neela let out a sigh of relief. Ray saw this and rolled his eyes.

"Thanks for the ride." Neela said.

"Anytime." Ray answered. He looked over to her and caught a glimpse of Neela's house. "Wow, nice house." Ray said admiringly. It really was a nice house; statuesque and a startling white.

"Thanks. I haven't really gotten used to it yet. I got lost last night on the way to my room."

Ray snickered. "Want me to help you navigate your way to the porch?"

Neela shook her head. "Ha. No. If one of my sisters sees you I will never hear the end of it. And if my mom sees you she'll lure you into the house and make you taste every dish she can make."

"I like food!"

"Not that much, you don't." Neela replied before getting out of the car. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Ray said, "see you tomorrow."

She started walking to the house, but turned to watch Ray drive away. She was really looking forward to tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ray, Neela or ER in general. They belong to NBC and all the other people who have something thing to do with this show.

* * *

_**Chapter 2**_

_June 2002_

Even after months walking the halls of New Hallow, the school hadn't gotten any smaller to Neela. It felt just as big to her as it had in the beginning, but, like she'd gotten used to the size of her house, she'd gotten used to the size of her school.

When the end of the school year finally came it didn't feel as if anything had changed. Neela still excelled at the same classes (Biology, chemistry…), she still believed most of the other students to be snobs and she still had the same friends.

She was also of the opinion that of all the things she had learned in past few months, what she'd learned about the people was the most important. Like how Regina, bubbly as she could be, was actually a lot more serious than she let on. And it turned out Ray and Regina had been neighbours since they were three, and that she, for reasons she wouldn't explain and Ray didn't really know, couldn't stand Ray. Kyle eventually warmed up to her (as much as Kyle could warm up to anyone) and her original assumptions had been right, he was quiet and angry about 80 of the time. The thing that bothered her most was that it seemed Ray would never, ever finish his car. He still gave a her a ride home 4 out of 5 days and she silently despaired every single time. And Ray's scary friends? They actually existed.

It was because of those friends that Neela found herself at the school parking lot before school, head full of angry thoughts, waiting to start throwing verbal abuse at Ray's head.

"You bloody _idiot_!" She hissed as he finally parked and gotten out of his car.

"I…don't know what it is you think I did, but I'm pretty sure I didn't do it." He replied, unsure of what to make out of Neela's greeting.

"Then how the hell did _Mike Donaghy_ get my address?" She smacked him violently on the arm.

"OW!" Ray exclaimed, inching away from her. "Mikey? I don't know. Why? Did he send you something dirty? 'Cause I told him girls don't like that."

"No, you moron! He went to my house with his stupid friends, in the middle of the night and _rang the damn bell._ And then my father answered the door!"

Ray snorted, seeing the scene play out in his head and finding it hilarious. At Neela's next words, however, he nearly fell over his own feet.

"So when my dad asked what was going on, I blamed you, 'cause I don't know who else's fault it could be." There was no guilt in her voice.

"You did _what?_" Ray's voice was suddenly high from panic.

"So now my dad wants to talk to you."

"Do you want me to die?" Ray had only met Neela's father once before, and it had not gone over too well. Once Mr. Rasgotra got wind of the fact that Ray didn't know what he wanted to be nor had any aspirations towards being an honor student it had all gone down hill. He was pretty sure Neela's father hated him.

Neela rolled her eyes. "You are not going to _die_, you drama queen. He's just going to scare you a little."

"He's going to KILL me. And then he's going to cut me up into little pieces and feed me to the dog. I am going to haunt your ass, I hope you know that!"

"I don't have a dog." Neela replied matter-of-factly. "And don't haunt _me_, it's your own damn fault. I didn't tell you to start giving out my address to creepy guys."

"I didn't!" He exclaimed, now more annoyed than panicked. "He must have followed you home or something."

"Oh, that's reassuring. Last time I'm ever going to any sort of party with you. Ever." She paused as they were about to enter the school. "Look, just be there by seven okay? Comb your hair. And wear something decent." Ray didn't look convinced. So she told him one last time: "You aren't going to die!"

-------------------

The door opened before he ever even rung the bell.

"You're late." She told him sternly. Not letting him respond she dragged him into the house, trying to flatten his hair at the same time. "My dad's expecting you in the den. Don't sit until he tells you to. Don't put your feet on anything and _don't swear_. I'll be there in a little while."

"Wait, you're leaving me alone with him?" The panic Ray had been feeling all day just doubled. He figured that at least he'd have Neela as his wingman (woman, whatever). Oh, this was so not a good idea.

Neela ignored him and shoved him into the den with a quick "behave!".

Ray looked back helplessly one more time before finally forcing himself to face Mr. Rasgotra.

"Raymond." Mr. Rasgotra said icily. Ray flinched, only his grandfather ever called him that. His grandfather was a jackass, in Ray's opinion.

Ray took a deep breath. "Sir."

"Don't just stand there, boy. Sit."

Ray did as he was told; he sat, back straight, sweaty hands folded on his lap. This was why he never met with any girl's father (except, maybe, by accident).

"I don't appreciate being woken up at 3 in the morning by drunken teenagers, Raymond." Mr. Rasgotra said, straight to business. "I run a respectable household. And I don't approve of you and your _friends_ corrupting my daughter."

"I…I'm not corrupting anybody!"

"I know boys like you, Raymond. I know how you think and what you do." Mr. Rasgotra looked him straight in the eye and asked the question Ray always dreaded to hear: "What are your intentions with my daughter?"

"Neela's my friend, sir." Ray replied, as he always did when someone asked him about the situation between him and his best friend.

The look Mr. Rasgotra gave him clearly said he didn't believe him. "Last time we met," he continued, "you didn't know what college you wanted to go to. Do you know now?"

"No, sir. I don't know if I want to go to college."

Mr. Rasgotra shook his head. "I don't enjoy telling you this," he said, "but I don't want you near my daughter anymore. She's got a bright future ahead of her. You don't deserve her and she doesn't need you."

Ray didn't know what to say to that. It certainly was more…forward than he had been expecting. And mean. Forward and mean.

"I can't believe you just said that." Neela's voice came from the doorway, sounding completely flabbergasted. Ray and Mr. Rasgotra both looked at her, wondering how long she'd been standing there. She was visibly upset.

"Neela, please…" Mr. Rasgotra started but Neela wasn't listening.

"Ray, I need a ride to the library." She seemed to be trembling, her eyes fixated on Ray, lips pressed together.

Ray didn't know what to make of her silent anger. "Neel, maybe I should just –"

"_Ray._" No room for discussion.

"Okay."

Later, in front of the library, as they sat unmoving in the car, Neela exclaimed: "Fucking bastard."

And Ray smiled.

-------------------

A few days later she found him outside the school during lunch (much like she did every day).

"I talked to my dad this morning." She said, "He refuses to apologize."

Ray smirked, not at all surprised, and said: "Leave it. He's just being an adult."

"No, I won't leave it. He had no right to talk to you like that." The indignation in her voice was evident. She'd been practically seething for days now, refusing to go straight home after school and flat out ignoring her father's very existence. Every time one of her friends tried to persuade her to calm down she ignored them too. Ray was glad she'd finally given in, but it seemed her anger hadn't at all disappeared.

"It's not like I haven't ever heard it before."

"Doesn't make it okay." Neela sat down on the steps leading to the entrance of the building with a huff.

He chuckled mirthlessly. "They're right, though, Neel. Your dad, my mom, ms….what's-her-face…that counselor woman. They're all right. I _am_ aimless."

"You're not aimless. You're just…"

"Without aim?" Ray finished for her. It was nice, really, and awfully _Neela_ of her to hold him so highly, but she was trying to fix something he didn't consider broken. And knowing her, she wasn't going to give up. "I don't have any interest in a white collar job. That's aimless, at least, it is around here. All I want to do is make music."

He always found it easiest to be straight with her. Blunt and to the point. He'd learned that Neela Rasgotra had very little tolerance for bullshit, and he had very little tolerance for getting yelled at by his best friend. Better safe than sorry, he figured.

But Neela was stubborn, and right now she was pissed too. Blunt wasn't going to work.

"That's a goal." She said matter-of-factly.

"It's not a job, though, is it? Not really."

Neela stood up abruptly and let out a frustrated groan. "Would you _stop_ putting yourself down, please? You're smart, Ray. You could be anything you want. You just need to _want _it. Don't listen to what other people say."

Ray ran his hand through his hair, now getting as annoyed as she seemed to be. "I'm not you, Neela. I'm not going to be a doctor, I wouldn't want to if I even could."

"You could. Of course you could. If you'd just _try_." She smiled up at him, all hopes and faith. It was just too much, couldn't she just let it go?

"You know," he said, "for someone who just told me not to listen to other people you sure do have _a lot_ of opinions."

"I'm just trying to help." Gone was the smile and there came the frustration again, showing clearly on her face. She was either going to cry or she was going to hit him.

Right at that moment Ray didn't really give a shit what she did. He was just getting more pissed off. He didn't want any fucking help. He didn't need another person directing his life. "Well, don't. _Just leave it_." He practically spat it at her.

At first she looked shocked, then hurt, until suddenly her face was void of any emotion at all. "Fine." She said, voice even, empty. "I'm going to look for Regina."

She crossed her arms, turned on her heel and started walking away. Ray immediately regretted his words. He never could keep his mouth shut.

"Look, Neela, I didn't mean it like…" He called after her, but she look back. She didn't respond at all, she just kept walking. "Fine." He grumbled, even though she was too far away to hear, and walked in the opposite direction, towards his car.

If she wanted it like that, he decided, two could play that game.

-------------------

"He got mad at you for _that_?" Regina asked incredulously.

Neela and Regina were in Regina's room. Neela was spinning in Regina's desk chair. She had just told her other best friend about what had happened that morning. Regina was wholly on her side.

"I was just trying to help him!" She exclaimed for what seemed the fiftieth time that day.

"Obviously! He's just a jerk." Regina told Neela. "I've told you before. I warned you, time and time again."

It was true, she had indeed warned Neela, time and time again. In many different ways too. Jerk, jackass, bastard, loser, shaggy-haired-lying-freeloading-idiot-slacker, to name a few.

Regina Wilmer really, really didn't like Ray Barnett. Every time Neela asked the reason Regina told her ask Ray. Which basically meant Neela hadn't made any progress on that front, because it seemed Ray had no clue what made the brunette so mad at him either.

Right now though, Neela was feeling Regina's hatred and following her lead full on.

"I know. He _is_ a jerk. A big, stubborn jerk."

Regina scoffed. "Yeah, you say that now, but just wait till you see him again and you look into those pretty eyes and forget you were ever even angry in the first place." She sighed dramatically. "Just like you always do."

"I don't do that!" Neela denied.

"Uh, remember last month, when he borrowed your history notes because he'd been to, like, two classes and he _had_ to take that test, so he needed to 'study'," Regina made air quotes, "and then he claimed to have lost them?"

Neela sighed. "Yes."

"And then copies mysteriously ended up in everybody's possession, and he ended up rich?"

"Yes."

"And you swore to never talk to him again?"

"_Yes._"

"How did that work out for ya?" Regina ended her questioning with a smile.

Neela glared at her. "I hate you."

"I love you too."

Neela got out of the chair with a groan. "I should be going."

"Alright. And remember, if loser-boy starts batting his eyelashes at you…"

"Resist."

Regina gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up. " That's my girl!"

Neela was in the driveway when she spotted a woman in a business suit waving at her.

"Yoo-hoo! Neela? Is that you?" The woman cooed from the driveway. Neela winced. Shit. She really didn't need this.

That woman was Regina's neighbour, which happened to make her Ray's mother. Not really who Neela wanted to see right now. She waived back half-heartedly.

Bad move.

Mrs. Barnett was now motioning her to come over. Cursing her good manners, Neela did so.

"How are you, honey? I haven't seen you around in a while." Mrs. Barnett asked.

"I've been fine. Busy, of course. Finals and all." Neela answered awkwardly.

"Have you had dinner yet? Because you're welcome to join us."

"Uhm no, but…" Mrs. Barnett stared at her expectantly. "…but I'm sure I can use your phone to call my parents and tell them I'm eating out."

"Of course." She smiled broadly and Neela reciprocated.

This was just _great_.

-------------------

The silence made the icy room seem even colder than it was.

Like everything else in the Barnett residence (with the exception of Ray's room) it was white. White, sterile and shiny. It was very much like what Neela's first impression of Jacy Barnett had been. She hadn't been entirely wrong. Mrs. Barnett was a career woman, she was cutthroat when it came to business. To her son she was a strict mother, trying to keep her son on the path she wanted him on. It didn't always work, but she tried, even if it created tension between mother and son. However, she was pure sunshine when it came to her son's best friend. Always smiling and talking. Honestly, Neela liked the woman, but right now she just wanted to kill her with her knife.

The whole situation was just too uncomfortable.

When Ray had come home for dinner, Neela had been sitting on the couch with his mother, waiting for him. Ray had frowned, grumbled something incoherent and just made a beeline for the dining room.

Now he was alternating eating with glaring at his mother and glaring at Neela. Neela was focusing on her food. Mrs. Barnett was trying to make conversation. So far no success.

Finally she broke. "Alright. That's it. I don't know what's going on here, but you two are friends, you shouldn't be so quiet." She stood up and continued; "I'm going to the bathroom for a while. You two talk this out, or I will sit you down and make you."

She gave Ray a pointed look on the way out.

After a few seconds Ray broke the silence. "Why are you here?"

"Your mum invited me, I couldn't really say no."

"Yeah, you could have. It's really easy, just two letters."

"Some of us have manners."

Ray snorted. "Some of us are suck ups."

Neela glared at him for a few seconds and stood up. "Fuck. You. I'm leaving. I don't have to take this from you."

Ray didn't reply. He followed her out with his eyes and, once he heard the door, cursed under his breath and followed.

He didn't have to go far, as she was still on the porch when he opened the front door.

"Neela, look…" He stopped when she turned to him. She was crying, furiously wiping her tear, like she was mad at herself for crying at all. "Why are you crying?"

Neela smiled sadly. "I don't get you. I don't get you at all." She pushed herself onto the porch railing. "It's like you don't even care. Not about my opinion, not about school, not about anything."

Ray didn't really know what to respond to that. "I…it's not like I don't care at all. I do. I care about my friends and my mom. About you. About my music. But…I know school is supposed to be important, okay? I know it matters to you and it's supposed to matter to me. But – and it's not even about having issues with authority – school is just not my top priority." He sat next to her on the railing. "I get grief about that every day; from my mom, from the teachers. I don't care about what they say. But from you…I can't take it from you. You're my _best friend_, Neel. You're supposed to accept me."

"I…I do." Neela stuttered.

"No, you don't. You always expect so much more. And I know why, because that's you. And I can accept that, as long as it's _you_ in all your obsessive, nerdy weirdness. Sometimes it's just hard."

Neela sighed. "And you get mad."

Ray nodded. "And I get mad."

"It still hurts though, when you shut me out."

"I'm sorry, I'm a bastard. It's habit."

"You are a bastard." She agreed with him. She gave him a small smile, he returned a big grin. She felt any resolve she still had left crumble as the grin grew. His eyes smiles almost a big as his mouth.

"Don't do that." She whined.

"Do what?" Ray asked, genuinely confused.

"The eye thing."

"The _eye thing_?"

"Yeah, you look at me all…you and make me forgive you. So stop it."

"You're so weird sometimes." Ray laughed.

Neela punched him softly on his leg. "Shut up."

"_Shut up_." Ray imitated her in a high pitched voice.

"I'm still mad at you."

"_I'm still mad at you_." He imitated again.

"I _am_._"_ She failed miserably at trying to sound convincing.

He laughed out loud. "Whatever."

From her window Regina watched the whole scene play out.

"No discipline." She muttered and rolled her eyes. She was definitely not going to let Neela forget about this one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ray, Neela or ER in general. They belong to NBC and all the other people who have something thing to do with this show.

* * *

_**Chapter 3**_

_August 2002_

The sound of the deafening beat reached Neela's ears before she'd even reached the door. Walking up to the house she couldn't help but wonder what the hell she was doing there in the first place. Beside her Regina seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself, moving softly to the fast approaching music. Regina was, in fact, the very reason Neela was spending her precious last Monday before school started back up at some stranger's house, going to a party she most likely wasn't going to enjoy.

"These are the last days of freedom, Neela." She had said again and again. She then dismissed Neela's protests and stories of bad things that happened to her at parties ("Stalkers! _Beer_ over my _hair_!) with a simple 'coincidence'.

Now she was finally here, at Sheila Somethingorother's End of Summer Party. And she was going to have a good time. Well…she was going to try. After all, she'd been to parties before and had managed, somehow, not to get suicidal urges so far. It just happened to be the first time she went to a major party without Ray and, even though she didn't like to admit it, he was who she hid behind when the guys got creepy and the music too loud.

She doubted Regina, sweet as she could be, would be as good at that job as Ray was.

Once inside Regina pulled her along to find Sheila, claiming that "you've got to at least greet the host, you anti-social barbarian". Sheila, it turned out, was already tipsy and barely recognized Regina and Neela. Which made Neela, who didn't recognize Sheila at all, feel a little better.

In the first hour Neela danced, got dragged around by Regina, glared at pushy guys and danced some more. She had in that time and the time after catalogued every exit (windows included) and gone over every lame and/or creative excuse to get the hell out she could think of. She couldn't think of anything that would convince her perky friend to leave. Which turned out not to matter anyway, because some time around the hour-and-a-half-point Neela lost track of her. _Wonderful._

It was after precisely two hours and thirty-seven minutes that Neela finally found a reason to leave. Two girls that Neela didn't recognize sat down on the couch next to the chair Neela had unceremoniously planted herself in an hour ago. Who they were talking about, however, was very familiar to her.

"I still cannot believe you managed to snag _Ray Barnett_. He's, like, untouchable." One of the girls, a blonde, said to her friend.

The other girl laughed, "Oh, he's definitely touchable. Trust me."

Trying to remain inconspicuous, Neela felt her heart drop and her face turn red. _What?_

"You are so _bad_, Jean." The blonde giggled.

Neela tried to process the new information. This girl _snagged_ Ray? He was _touchable_?_What?_ She gave this girl – Jean, apparently – a quick look and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She was, in all honesty, exactly what Neela expected Ray to go after. Straight, dark hair, too much make-up, a generous amount of cleavage and a tiny waist. She was like every other girl Neela had ever seen Ray disappear with. She felt a bit of embarrassment come over her; she'd seen Ray with plenty of girls, the only difference was that she'd never had to _hear_ about it before. This _Jean_ was obviously just another club girl with available lips and eager-to-drop panties. _Get over it._

"And he actually called you his girlfriend? In front of other people?" The blonde said sounding as surprised as Neela felt. _What the hell?_ "You are so lucky."

If the girls were startled by Neela's abrupt departure, she wouldn't have known. It took her approximately 30 seconds to find Regina and drag her to the car. Ray was going to have to explain this.

-------------------------

Neela never came to Ray's band practice. So when she showed up at Ian the Drummer's garage that Tuesday Ray was understandably surprised. He had been tuning his guitar when Ian's mom raised the garage door and he had seen Neela standing there. She looked…well, she looked weird.

She didn't look annoyed, nor happy. Just kind of blank. He told the guys he'd be right back and walked towards her.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" He asked, slight confusion evident in his voice.

Neela cut right to the chase: "Guess who I met last night?"

"Your long lost twin? No. George Bush? No, wait, Madonna!" Ray joked, trying to break his best friend's seemingly stoic demeanor.

Neela remained unaffected and said: "Jean."

Ray's smile disappeared and it took his brain a few seconds to catch up to his gut. _This was not good. _"Oh."

"Yeah,_oh_." She mocked, looking at him accusingly. "So…how long?"

"Like two weeks." Ray sighed. He knew he should have told her. _Damn it_. What the hell was he doing hiding his girlfriend anyway? He knew she would find out, he knew she would get mad.

Neela crossed her arms and gaped at him. _Two weeks?_ "Were you even going to tell me?"

"Eventually." He said, even though he hadn't exactly planned on it.

Neela snorted. "Yeah, right. What's _so wrong_ with her that you couldn't even tell your best friend about her? Does she kick puppies for laughs? Don't tell me she's a cheerleader."

Ray backed away in mock horror, then smiled, it seemed his best friend was willing to somewhat let it go. "God, no. She actually very nice."

Neela smirked. "I'm sure she is…" she said in a tone that said 'yeah right'.

"You'd like her. Eventually."

"I'm sure I would…"

He gave her a stern look. "Don't be a brat. Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It's just a little_weird_."

She rolled her eyes. "Having a girlfriend or telling your best friend about the girlfriend?"

"Telling my _female_ best friend about it._ That's_ a whole new experience for me. It's not like she my _first_ girlfriend."

"Well, did you tell her about me? Or did you think her delicate female heart couldn't handle the info?"

Ray nodded slowly. "I've mentioned you."

"Oh, you are so lying." Neela called him on his badly hidden insincerity. "Well, she's your type at any rate. She's pretty."

Ray smiled, compliments were good.

"And she needs to lay off the eyeliner."

"And…thank you." Ray deadpanned.

Neela chuckled. "Go back to your guitar, lover boy."

Ray did as he was told, still a little uneasy with his best friend's new found knowledge and its looming potential of emotional blackmail. He'd have to tell Jean about her, too. All his friends knew he and Neela were close, but Jean was from different circles and he doubted any of her friends were particularly informed about his life beyond his bad boy image. He was unsure how to explain his undoubtedly _female_ best friend to her, seeing how he had never had to deal with such a situation before. Maybe he could just lock them in a room together and let them hash it out.

--------------------------------

"So_that's_ why you nearly pulled my arm off hightailing it out of there." Regina realized, reaching into the bag of chips on the floor. "He's such coward."

Neela groaned from her spot on the floor and rolled onto her back. "He's a boy. Let him be a coward. I wish he was _more_ of a coward. I don't need to deal with a girlfriend. I'm trying to get into Yale, I have enough on my mind as it is."

"I've been wondering about that." Regina mused. "How are you going to do that?"

"Do what?"

"The Yale thing? I mean, I doubt you guys'll keep in touch. You'll be in New Haven, he'll be…here."

Neela frowned. She'd tried not to think about that. "You could ask the same about us."

"Oh please, I'm going to New York no matter what. No way in hell is NYU going to reject me. That's way closer. We could have weekends at least."

"Ray and I could have weekends." Neela protested stubbornly.

Regina sighed. "Sure you could. You know, you two are so dysfunctional. I'm not surprised he didn't tell you about that Jean girl. Considering that weird ass relationship of yours."

"What weird relationship?" Neela was both confused and offended.

"This weird co-dependence you have. He's an ass, you forgive him. You're a controlling mother hen, he lets you. Back and forth, over and over. How are you going to enable each other when you're states apart?" Regina explained.

Neela scowled. "Wow, Dr. Phil, I thought you were going to be a history major?"

"I'm just calling it like I see it." Regina was on a roll now. "And now he's totally replacing you. No wonder you hate her. It's normal."

"Reggie, I don't _hate_ her. I don't even _know_ her."

"You hate her. I can see it in your eyes. It's okay. I hate her too, just on principle alone. Any girl that hangs around Barnett is a skank by default."

Neela slapped on the arm lightly. "Gee, thanks."

"Not you. Obviously."

"You're wrong, though. Ray wouldn't ask her to be his girlfriend if she wasn't nice. I'm sure she has many good qualities." She added: "Somewhere deep, deep inside."

"Keep telling yourself that."

-------------------------------------------

Neela was still _telling herself that_ when she ran into Ray and Jean at the mall the next day. Her older sister Asha, who was visiting from New York, had taken one look at Neela's closet and proclaimed it 'a sad, sad thing'. Thus it happened that she was now carrying around several bags of clothes she would probably never wear.

When she saw Ray and Jean she nearly leaped behind a plant to hide, but her sister had followed her panic stricken gaze and held her back.

"Is that Ray? He looks better than when I last saw him. Did mum finally hold him down long enough to feed him?" She questioned. "Why aren't you saying hello?" Then it dawned on her. "Who's the girl?"

"That's his new girlfriend." Neela replied. "Can we please just leave before they see us?"

"Too late, I'm afraid."

Indeed, the couple was now heading towards them. Ray looked like he was trying – and failing – at hiding his nerves, Jean somehow managed to look both pissed off and perky.

"Hey Ray." Neela greeted, hoping she sounded normal.

"Hey." He replied. "Looking good, Asha."

Asha grinned and sighed dramatically. "I always do. Aren't you going to introduce me?"

Ray was a little startled by her forwardness but recovered quickly. "Right. Asha, Jean. Jean, this is Asha. She's Neela's sister."

The two gave each other polite smiles. Neela scowled.

"And I'm Neela. We haven't actually met, have we?"

Both she and Jean gave Ray a scrutinizing look.

"No," Jean said, "we haven't."

Ray gave a tight-lipped smile. "And now you are finally meeting. Isn't it great?"

Asha was clearly amused, but Neela had to fight the urge to once again roll her eyes. "Yeah. So…what are you guys doing here? I've never seen you in a mall before, Ray."

Happy with the change of subject, Ray looked visibly relieved. "Well, Jean needed clothes for her party and I," Ray held up the several bags he was holding, "am her personal shopping cart."

Jean smiled and this time it seemed genuine enough. "He's going to have to get used to it."

"I've got a tip: chocolate keeps him quiet. He's quite girly when it comes to that." Neela joked. Jean laughed at this.

Knowing this was actually true; Ray couldn't bring himself to be actually annoyed. "You're funny." He said instead. "And you should come."

"Come where?"

"To Jean's party."

Jean face fell. Neela blanched. "Why?" They blurted out simultaneously.

"So you two can get to know each other."

Neela couldn't manage to bring a smile to her face. "But…I wouldn't want to leave Ash all alone; she's only here for another two days."

"She can come, too."

Neela looked at her sister hopefully. Asha looked back incredulously. "Oh, no. No way. I've got other siblings to keep me occupied and it so happens none of them are going to this party. You're going and going alone."

"But…"

"The lady doth protest too much." Ray quoted impishly. Neela gave him a funny look. "What? I'm not illiterate."

"Could've fooled me."

"Nice."

Neela smirked. Knowing she was probably going to regret it, she relented: "Fine. I'll come. Sounds great."

"Great! I'll pick you up around nine-ish."

"Awesome." Jean intoned, obviously not all that pleased with the turn of events. "Ray, let's go. I've got stuff to set up."

Ray and Jean made their exit and as soon as they were out of sight Neela turned to her sister.

"I hate you! Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because you're my little sister and it's my right." Asha said with clear amusement in her voice. "And because it's a great excuse for a new outfit. Now come on, let's go shopping."

--------------------------------------

The ride to Jean's house was awkward to say the least. Even Kyle, who was usually too busy being surly to do or notice much else, seemed uncomfortable.

When he spoke it cut through the thick tension roughly: "I think this is a really fucking bad idea."

Ray and Neela responded at the same time. "Shut up." He said. "_Thank_ you!" She said.

Neela let out an exasperated sigh. "How am I possibly going get to know her at a party? Can't we just hang out? Watch a DVD or something?"

Ray bristled irritably. "Should've thought of that before you said yes."

"I wasn't going to say no without a proper excuse. I was being rude enough to her as it was. She must think I'm such a bitch."

"She wasn't exactly being Miss Warm and Fuzzy either, Neel. Don't worry about it. I know I caught you off guard. That was kind of the point. She doesn't think you're a psycho bitch."

Neela gasped at his phrasing. "I didn't say psycho bitch. You told her I'm a psycho bitch?"

"What? NO!"

Neela ignored him. "Kyle, did he tell her I'm a psycho bitch?"

Ray looked at his friend with pleading eyes. Kyle seemed to be weighing his options. His aversion to facing Neela's wrath won out. "He told her that you…have your 'psycho bitch moments'."

Neela fumed. "If you're trying to get her to like me, you are royally cocking it up, you arse."

"I was joking when I said that. _Joking!_" Ray tried to explain. "I swear to God, I didn't mean anything by it." He glanced at Kyle and muttered harshly: "I'll get you for this."

Kyle didn't seem too worried.

By the time they arrived at Jean's house the tension was thicker than it ever was. The car had barely come to a halt when Neela rushed out. The waited for the boys to join her and took a deep breath.

"Let's just get this over with."

Inside the party was already in full bloom. Neela recognized one or two people from other places Ray had manipulated her into going to and found it somehow reassuring that at least she knew someone besides Ray and Kyle. Jean, too, but she didn't really want to consider her.

She_had_ to consider her though, when the girl in question strutted up to them and attached herself to Ray.

"Hey you!" She gushed. She greeted Ray and Neela with a less enthusiastic "Hey". She got back what she gave.

After another slightly uncomfortable silence (Neela was starting to get sick of those), Ray pushed his girlfriend and his best friend towards each other en told them to start talking, before taking off. The pair stared at his retreating back and then at each other until Jean handed Neela a beer (originally meant for Ray). Neela, who could count on one hand the amount of beers she'd had before, accepted it without a second thought and took a lengthy swig. Jean smiled.

"Let's sit."

They took seats in the living room. Neela was glad the couch was empty and shuffled as far a way as she could.

"So, how long have you known Ray?" Jean asked. "He never said."

"Uhm…about six months, I think. Seven, perhaps."

"And he's already calling you his best friend. You must have made some impression."

Neela shifted nervously under Jean's careful questioning and downed the rest of her beer. She grimaced at the bitter taste. "Sometimes people just click, I guess. Although I think he calls me 'mum' more than he does his actual mother."

"He did say you nag."

Neela shrugged. "Did he tell you about the things he does that _require_ nagging?"

"No, he didn't," Jean admitted, "and I'm not sure I want to know."

Neela smirked. "You'll find out."

Jean couldn't smile at this. "Want another beer?" She took off before Neela could answer and came back a moment later with more beer. Neela, once again, took it without hesitation.

Somehow, within the next hour or two, Neela managed to answer many more questions and empty six more beer bottles. A few guys who knew Jean joined them at some point (Neela had lost track of time around beer number four). Neela couldn't remember their names, but thought they were hilarious. She didn't notice Jean leaving.

"Wanna see my car?" One of the guys, blonde, she thought his name rhymed with a fruit, asked. "I just got it."

"Does it have seatbelts?" Neela asked brightly, slurring slightly. The guy nodded. Neela grinned. "Brill! Let's go!"

The guys, there were three of them, she noticed for the first time, guided her outside. The car was sleek, shiny and new. Neela was enthralled.

"It's so shiny." She whispered in amazement.

The blonde guy took her hand and led her towards the passenger door. "Want to take a ride?"

Neela grinned. "Sure."

She was almost in the car when she was pulled back out. Frowning she looked up at her assailant. It was Ray. He looked absolutely furious.

"Hey, man, what are you doing?" One of the other guys asked, charging towards them.

"What the fuck do you think I'm doing?" Ray snarled. He pushed Neela towards the house. "Neela, stay there."

Neela did not stay anywhere and instead marched back and stood between Ray and the three guys. "We were just going for a ride."

The blonde smirked. "You heard the lady." He made a move to pull Neela along, but Ray got there first and pushed her behind him.

"I suggest you get into your damn car and drive the fuck off, before I take your ugly face and smash it into your shiny hood. Got it?" He threatened.

The threesome laughed. "You and all our imaginary friends?"

Ray took a step forward and glared at them coldly, hands balled into fists. "Want to find out?"

The blonde started to step forward as well, ready for a fight, but his friend held him back. "Just leave it. If I come back beaten up again my dad's gonna kill me, man."

The blonde stepped back and glared at Ray one more time before getting in his car with his friends. He flipped Ray off before driving away.

Ray relaxed his hand and let out a tense breath. He turned to Neela and looked at her, less furious now, but not in any way, shape or form calmed down.

"What did you think you were doing? Going with those creeps?" He started yelling, more out fear than anything else. "Have you completely lost your m-" His tirade was cut off by her lips on his. It only lasted a moment, but it was enough to rattle him a bit, it was enough to replace any anger or fear with complete bewilderment.

She beamed up at him and sighed, oblivious to his surprise: "My hero."

He didn't know what to say to that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ray, Neela or ER in general. They belong to NBC and all the other people who have something thing to do with this show.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

_Moments later_

Ray didn't know what to do with himself at all, suddenly. Neela's brown eyes, unfocused and staring up at him, weren't helping. He averted his gaze and moved his hands around aimlessly, looking for a place to rest them, but finding none. They stood there for what seemed like hours, Ray with his mouth open, wanting desperately to say something to lighten the situation.

"Neela," he said, finally, "I–"

He was cut off by Neela pressing her lips against his own again, letting her hands snake into his hair, pulling him towards her. It didn't take long for him to get caught up in her kiss and pull her closer to him.

Something at the back of his mind told him this was wrong; he had a girlfriend and this was _Neela_ he was kissing. But the feel of her lips was much more prominent in his mind. He marveled at how small she was in his arms, he'd never noticed before. He pressed himself against her, his fingers toying with the back of her shirt.

It was so easy to get lost in this.

A loud crash coming from the house woke him from his stupor with a start. He pulled away like even touching her was burning him.

"Dammit." He muttered, just ass Neela's knees buckled and she slumped against him. He caught her just in time and hoisted her up. "C'mon," he grunted, "I'll take you home."

He felt Neela stiffen in his arms and then struggle to get loose. "No! Not home!" She protested, her accent getting thicker by the syllable. "My dad!"

Ray grimaced. "Right. Then I'll…I'll take you to Regina's."

Neela looked at him, her face scrunched up in confusion. "You live next to Reshjie!" She couldn't properly hold the 'g' sound anymore and, even in her own drunken state, noticed this and laughed to herself.

"You can't stay with me." He told her sternly.

"Why?" She asked like a petulant child.

"Because I'm taking you to Regina's. That's why." That obviously wasn't a reason that would win a debate with her on any other day, but he hoped that she if she was drunk enough to kiss him, she would be drunk enough to let it go.

Neela's eyes went wide, still utterly confused by his reasoning, but stuck on another point. "But Reshjie hates you!" She exclaimed.

He smiled, happy for the change of subject, and started ushering her into his car. "Yeah, I've noticed."

"She _really_ hates you." Neela urged.

"She loves you, though." Ray noted.

Neela started giggling. "You love me too!" She sing-songed. An idea came to her. "You should love each other!"

He sighed and started his car with a rough turn of the key. "Yeah." He wasn't going to think about which of her comments he was answering.

Neela was asleep by the time Ray pulled into his driveway and he carried her next door.

--

When Neela awoke her head was pounding. She groaned as she went to lay on her other side. She noticed that the bed was too soft and the pillows too pink. She turned again and landed face-first in a large Hello Kitty plushie. _Right_, Neela thought groggily, _so Reggie's room, then. _Neela pushed herself up and promptly slid back down again, clutching her head.

Just then Regina entered the room. "Hey there, party girl." She greeted. "How're you feeling?"

Neela only groaned in response.

Regina mockingly pouted. "Aww, baby's first hangover. Such a proud moment. Here, medicine." She handed Neela a glass of water and two aspirin. Neela moaned as she sat up again and downed the aspirin in one thirsty gulp. Regina watched, extremely amused. "You'll feel better soon."

Neela scoffed. "I feel like I've been hit by a truck. And a train. At the same time." She croaked out. "I don't think I'll ever feel 'better'." She started sliding back down again when something came to her and she shot back up again. "My dad! Oh shit, he's probably got the bloody police out looking for me as we speak." She grabbed one of the many pillows on Regina's bed and hid her face behind it.

Regina didn't miss the chance to give the reaction to the drama Neela usually gave _her_; she rolled her eyes with fervor. "I already called your house and said we were having a last minute sleepover. Your mom picked up, she understands, it's fine. We've done it before. I mean, she was kind of pissed I called after midnight, but I've dealt with worse."

Neela let out a sigh of relief. "And how did I get here exactly? I don't really remember much of anything."

Regina frowned with distaste. "The jerk-next-door carried you over. You were completely dead to the world." She explained. "He wouldn't tell me what happened though."

Neela finally managed to get herself out of bed. She stood perfectly still for a moment, trying to let the vertigo pass, then she shook herself and let out a deep breath. "You know, I don't know what happened either. I hope I didn't throw up on anyone." She set out to find her missing shoes, she only found one.

"You smelled clean enough when he brought you. Don't worry." Regina threw Neela the other shoe. "How much did you drink anyway?"

"A lot?" Neela guessed sheepishly as she put on her shoes. "I'm going over to Ray's. What time is it?"

Regina checked her watch. "It's just past noon. So he should be home…sleeping?"

The girls laughed. Ray's ability to sleep the day away was a thing of legends. "Yeah," Neela said, "that sounds about right." She headed for the door.

"Kick him for me or something!" Regina called after her.

--

It took Neela ringing the doorbell seven times for Ray to come down and open the door. He looked sleepy and incredibly irritated at being woken up, though the look on his face switched over to 'deer in the headlights' mighty fast when he realized who was at the door.

"Oh. Hi." He said uncertainly. It was obvious, to him at least, that Neela was there to confront him. He urged himself to keep his cool. "What's up?"

Neela had been feeling okay up until that point, disregarding the headache. Surely, she had reasoned, nothing had actually happened. Now she wasn't so sure. Her face fell. "What did I do?" She asked morosely.

Ray was taken aback. Was she messing with him on purpose? Was she trying to drive him crazy? He decided to play along and test the waters first: "What do you mean?"

Neela huffed. "I mean that I can't remember a bloody thing." Ray let go of the breath he hadn't even noticed he was holding. Neela noticed it. "What are you relieved for? Please tell me I didn't do anything stupid."

Ray hesitated, for the first time in his life unable to think up a lie on the spot. Neela groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Of _course_ I did something stupid. I got bloody pissed, that was stupid enough. Did I embarrass you horribly?"

"You didn't embarrass anybody." Neela looked at him skeptically. "I promise. You just drank way more than you've ever done before and got really, really, _really_ drunk."

"On account of me never having been drunk before in the first place." Neela pointed out. She smiled, relieved. "I suppose the first time's the worst. So I didn't do anything stupid like dance on a table or snog a bunch of random boys?"

Ray bit his tongue. "Nope, I made sure you didn't make an ass of yourself and then I took you home…well, to Regina's."

Neela gave him a tight hug. Ray couldn't stop himself from remembering the night before. He tried to relax. She let go of him and gave him a peck on the cheek. Ray bit the inside of his cheek as hard as he could. "Of course you took care of me." Neela told him proudly. "My own personal hero."

Ray winced at the irony. "I wouldn't go that far."

"You'd rather I nag?" She asked him and smirked. "Good. Now I can tell you I still blame you for this."

Ray pursed his lips. He knew she was going to go there. "It is _not_ my fault."

"Excuse me, but aren't _you_ the one who made me go to this party? Isn't it _your_ girlfriend who gave the four beers I can remember drinking and the ones that doubtlessly came after that? It's totally your fault."

He threw up his hands in defeat. "Alright. Fine. My fault, whatever. Do you need a ride home?"

Neela was surprised at his quick defeat, but also at herself for not even thinking about how to get home. "Yes, please." She said gratefully.

"'Kay, let me go shower first." He let her in. Neither had realized she'd been left standing on the porch the whole time. She sat on the sofa, happy to know she hadn't pulled a stupid drunken stunt. He stepped into the shower and turned the hot water all the way off, trying to freeze away his guilty conscience and the memories of the night before.

--

It was late and Neela's parents had long since gone to bed. Neela herself was getting ready for bed as well. She had been pulling on a pair of shorts when the doorbell rang. Cursing at her half dressed state she quickly threw on a t-shirt and raced down the stairs, hoping the bell hadn't woken any of the other inhabitants of the house. The Rasgotra's tended to be light sleepers. She looked through the window in the door and saw, to her surprise, Kyle standing there. She unlocked the door as quietly as she could.

"Kyle?" She said in a hushed tone. "What are you doing here? It's almost midnight."

Kyle looked serious, but then, he almost always did. "I need to talk to you." He said.

"What, now?" She asked in disbelief. Kyle just looked at her. "Ok, um…want to come in then?"

Kyle shook his head. "Let's just do it out here."

Neela stepped outside uncertainly and closed the door halfway behind her. "So…what'd you want to talk about?"

"Ray." Kyle said simply.

Neela wasn't following. "What about Ray?"

"You know what it's about." He said it like it was obvious. She opened her mouth to say something, but he beat her to the punch. "Look, I like you and all. You're a friend. You're my best friend's best friend, but I've known Ray since I was five. No matter what happens, I'm on his side. I won't let this shit happen and pretend it's not the most stupid thing he's ever done." He paused. "And he's done a lot of stupid shit. But I'm on his side, no matter how it plays out. Understand?"

Neela did not understand, not at all. "What are you _talking_ about? What happened? What is he supposed to have done? What's it got to do with me? Is it about last night? He told me I didn't do anything stupid." She mentally kicked herself for just believing him so blindly. She should have known something was off.

"Don't pretend you don't know what I mean." He said irritably. "I'm not in the mood for stupid games."

"Don't be an ass, Kyle. I may be small but I don't have any problems with defending myself. Even against you." They sneered at each other. Neela was beginning to think she liked Kyle better when he was just _silently_ angry all the time. Things stayed quiet for a while.

"You seriously don't know what I'm talking about?" Kyle asked, finally, trying to reign in his temper.

"No," Neela said, "I don't. Tell me what I'm supposed to have done."

Kyle was blunt when he told her, as he was in everything he did. "You kissed him."

Neela laughed hysterically at the absurdity of the idea. "No I didn't." She said, barely managing to get the words out. "Don't be daft."

He gritted his teeth. "Yes. You did. I saw you."

Neela sobered up, suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. "No. I didn't." She said forcefully. "You must have seen it wrong. I wouldn't kiss some bloke with a girlfriend. _Especially_ not Ray. I wouldn't ever, not in a million years."

"You would if you were drunk off your ass." Kyle pointed out.

Neela winced. "I was, wasn't I? Did I really…" She trailed off. Kyle nodded. Neela made a strangled noise. "Oh shit." She sank down onto the porch and buried her head in the hands. "Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Holy fucking shit. What am I supposed to do?" She looked up at him, tears in her eyes, she was completely thrown. "What the fuck am I supposed to _do_ about this?"

Kyle was becoming more and more uncomfortable. He wasn't the type to deal with any sort of display of emotion, not from himself and most definitely not from other people. "I don't kn-" Neela let out another strangled cry. Kyle cringed and backpedalled. "Please, don't cry. I don't do crying, okay? So just…don't." Neela took a deep breath, and blew it back out in short puffs. She was trying to keep herself from hyperventilating.

"What do you want me to do about this?" She asked again, calmer now. "I talked to him before, he didn't tell me about this. So what do _you_ want me to do?"

"When Ray tries to ignore something," Kyle explained, "he ends up doing something really stupid instead. Anything to make himself forget. You haven't seen him at it, Neela. When his dad left, when he was twelve, he spent three months pretending nothing was wrong, like his dad was just on a business trip or something." He smirked wryly. "And then he tried to burn down the garage."

Neela's eyes went wide. "_Fuck._"

"Yeah. So don't let him fuck up. He's 18 now; he can't go around burning shit down."

Neela stood up. "I won't. I'm a hard ass, haven't you heard?"

Kyle smiled slightly. "I've heard. You're starting to talk like us now, though. You're swearing like a fucking sailor."

Neela frowned. "Am I?" Kyle nodded. "I'll try to restrain myself. I don't want to become too much like you two losers." She grinned. "I've never heard you talk this much. You know, like, in a row."

Kyle shrugged and said: "Just never had much to say."

"You're surprisingly eloquent, if you look passed the swearing."

"I've been going to a pretty fucking good school for a while now, if I can believe the flyers. I occasionally pick up stuff, learn a word or two. I've got fucking impeccable grammar. Prize winning essays lying around and all that." Kyle sounded completely serious.

"You so do not." Neela said.

He sniggered and said, as he turned to leave: "No, I don't."

Neela watched him leave with a heavy heart. Tomorrow, she was going to have to deal with this.

--

Neela was nervous when she showed up at his house the following morning. It was early, and she knew he wouldn't be up yet. She was hoping to catch him off guard, to startle him into having an actual conversation. His mother answered the door and let her upstairs without any fuss. She knocked on his door and when there was no answer simply let herself in. She picked up a dirty t-shirt from the floor and flung it at his head. He woke with a start.

"What the –" He blinked a few times when he saw Neela standing over him. "Neela?" He got out of the bed and shook his head a few more times, trying to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "What's going on?"

Neela swallowed nervously. "I think we need to have a talk."

Ray blanched. He knew, in that moment, what this was about. He'd just gotten used to the thought that he could just carry it with him and let everything go on as normal. No such luck. "About what?" He asked, playing dumb.

"I know what happened at Jean's party. I know we…kissed." She had trouble even saying it.

Ray pursed his lips. "That's...I…um…I'm sorry I didn't tell you." He stammered.

Neela started pacing. "I suppose I understand but…I just…I'm just confused. This whole thing is just…really confusing."

Ray sat on the bed and ran his hands through his hair. "There were these guys," he explained, "and you were drunk. I saved you, sort of. And then you kissed me. Like a thank you kiss."

She frowned and shook her head. "You wouldn't have kept this from me if it was just a thank you kiss."

"And maybe then you kissed me again and I kind of…let myself go. I shouldn't have." He admitted.

"This is so bad. You know that right? It's wrong." She said. "I thought about this all night. About how maybe we could just ignore it, but we can't! This is big. It's big and it's wrong and it should never have happened. You've got a girlfriend and I admit I _hate_ her. But you like her and I've got to live with that. I'm not the type of girl who goes around kissing other people's boyfriends. I don't get drunk. Ever. It's all just so wrong." Neela was on a roll now. "I keep saying to myself that we can't do something like this. We as _people_, as _friends_ should never have done something like this. We shouldn't even be having this conversation." She looked panicked, completely freaked at the whole situation.

Ray nearly growled in frustration. "No shit, Neela. That's why we're going to _stop_ talking about it. It should never have happened in the first place. Let's just pretend it never happened, okay? It _never_ happened."

Neel a looked at him like he was crazy. "Except it did."

"You were drunk. It doesn't count. It would have never happened if you hadn't been drunk. You would have never thrown yourself at me if you hadn't been drunk. I would have never kissed you back if you hadn't thrown yourself at me. Therefore, it doesn't count." He reasoned. "None of it actually happened."

Neela felt insulted. "So what you're saying is you'd only ever even consider kissing me if I physically attack you? I'm just that unattractive?" She added bitterly: "And here I thought you'd go after anything with breasts."

Ray shot up and pointed at her angrily. "Now you're just looking for something to bitch about. Stop fucking twisting my words around." He looked at her desperately. "What do you want me to tell you, Neela?" He asked her. "That I think you're hot? That I would have tried something with you ages ago if I didn't fear your father's wrath? 'Cause you're gorgeous, Neel. Anyone with eyes can see that. And, yeah, at first it _was_ why I started hanging out with you. But you know what? I got over it!" His whole stance changed. He got into her personal space more and more. He just wanted her to realize how he saw her. What she was to him. "I realized that you're smart and funny and really neurotic and just a little bit crazy and I like you for _that_. You're my friend. My _best_ friend. I'm not going to let us screw that up because you had one out of character moment and I got caught up in it. I'm just not. Fuck it." He realized how close he was to her now and took a step back. "Jesus." He added for good measure.

"I never…I never knew that's how you thought about us." Neela didn't know what to say and instead focused on something she _could_ comment on. "You really think I'm gorgeous?"

Ray couldn't help but laugh. "I'm pouring out my heart to you like some big baby and _that's_ what you hear?" He shook his head. "You're such a girl."

Neela rolled her eyes. "Obviously." She smiled. "You know, Regina calls us co-dependent. She reckons we're being unhealthy."

Ray raised an eyebrow. "Is Regina really someone you want to be taking advice from? She kind of a ditz. I don't know if you've noticed, but you're the smartest person she hangs out with. I mean, obviously she's got at least a little good taste, but still…"

"Reggie's smarter than you think. Besides, I'm the smartest person _you_ hang out with." She pointed out.

"That is true."

"Maybe I need to start hanging out with smarter people?"

"Please don't." Ray said honestly. "I like you just where you are."

Neela took a deep breath. "So do I."

They looked at each other in comfortable silence for a while. Ray took the moment as an opportunity to be vulnerable for a second. He hugged her tightly, gave her kiss on the forehead and tugged her hair. "Good." He said and grinned. "Now shoo. I'm going back to sleep."

Neela looked up at him fondly. "You have the worst sleeping habits ever."

"And yet I'm always so well rested." Ray said mockingly. He dropped himself on the bed and pulled the covers over his head. "I'm sleeping now."

Neela rolled her eyes again and decided to leave. At the door she looked back one more time. For now, it seemed, he was okay, _they_ were okay. That was enough for her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ray, Neela or ER in general. They belong to NBC and all the other people who have something thing to do with this show.

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**Chapter 5**

_December 2002_

It was a week before Ray's 18th birthday and Neela was getting frustrated. Sitting on the spotlessly white sofa in Ray's spotlessly white living room she pinched the bridge of her nose, the look on her face becoming more and more incredulous as she listened to Jean describe her plan for Ray's birthday party.

"It looks like it'll be around a hundred and fifty people. And I've already blackmailed my brother into buying the booze. So, I think we're all set." Jean declared happily. She'd just spent the last twenty minutes describing in minute detail how the party was to go.

Neela had just now started to really pay attention. "I'm sorry," she said, "but, how many people did you just say were coming?"

"Just a hundred and fifty." Jean repeated, sitting up a little straighter and seemingly readying herself to go on the defense. "It's just some of our friends. Not a lot of people you would know."

Neela sneered. It had been like this since the start of school; endlessly trying to one-up each other, continuous digs at the other girl's standing in Ray's life. Neela was starting to get sick of it. After the fiasco the 'let's-get-to-know-each-other' party turned out to be, Neela tried to stay away from Jean as much as possible. But, as it was, Ray and Neela spent so much time together, it was nearly impossible to _not_ have the girls run into each other. He'd eventually stopped trying and the animosity had been steadily growing ever since. They never physically attacked each other, but Neela had come up with many new ways of calling someone a slut in these past few months. It was a good thing they didn't attend the same school.

Neela had once been sure her dislike of Jean would fade with time, but she could not have been more wrong. Neela thought that perhaps it was karma of some sort. That the thoughts she'd been having lately, ever since that kiss she'd shared with Ray but still couldn't quite remember, were giving off some sort of negative energy that made Jean into the most unbearable human being on the face of the earth.

She knew for a fact these feeling she'd been having were wrong, and she'd been trying to suppress them. They were getting in the way of her normal functioning. She was skittish around Ray, something she'd never been around anyone. She knew Ray had noticed; she'd seen the looks he was giving her when he thought she wasn't paying attention. He looked confused and disappointed, like he was contemplating what he'd done wrong. He looked like that when she sat too far away from him when they watched a movie, or when she refrained from giving him a playful punch when he made a stupid comment.

It seemed the only time she didn't feel like a stranger in her own body around him was when she was exchanging snide comments with Jean. Which was why Neela wasn't sure if this karma was really such a bad thing.

"I know all of Ray's friends. And he hasn't got that many friends. Not even close." Neela argued. She gave Ray a semi-apologetic shrug. "No offense or anything."

Ray, who was perfectly happy to not be in any way included in these 'discussions', just threw up his hands as if to say 'none taken'. He pretended not to notice the cold look Jean threw his way.

"Alright," Jean nearly hissed, "so some of them are my friends. Does it matter? It'll still be fun. I know the concept of _fun_ is hard for nerds like you to understand, but it's a _party_, for God's sake. Why should it matter who comes?"

"It's his birthday." Neela pointed out. "I know it must be difficult for a succubus like you to think of anyone but yourself, but yes, it bloody matters."

Jean looked about ready to jump out of her seat; instead she forced a prim smile onto her face and turned to her boyfriend. "Ray," she intoned, "would you tell her that we just agreed on this and it's not her decision to make?"

"Ray," Neela imitated, "would you tell her that we agreed on it just being a few of us two weeks ago? And that it certainly isn't _her _decision to make?"

The look on Ray's face spoke volumes. He obviously had not anticipated them to clash over his birthday party of all things and thus forgotten to mention the original plan for his birthday to Jean. "Well, uhm," he stammered, "the thing is…"

Jean stood up with a huff before he could even finish his sentence and stormed out. Ray gave Neela an apologetic look and went after her. Neela could hear Jean's muffled yelling coming from the hall. A few minutes later she heard the front door closing and Ray coming back to the living room.

"And?" She asked, knowing perfectly well what the answer would be.

"Looks like I'm having a hundred and fifty people over." Ray answered.

Neela nodded bitterly. "Of course you are." She stood up and looked him straight in the eye, wanting him to see exactly how disappointed she was.

"Look, Neela, I just –" Ray reached for her shoulder; Neela stepped away before he could touch her. He faltered.

"I think I should go home now."

Ray sighed. "Want me to drive you?"

Neela shook her head. "No. I think I'll take the bus." She hated the bus.

Ray pursed his lips. "You've been taking the bus a lot lately." He said pointedly.

"Yeah, well, my dad's finally realized how unsafe your car is. He'd rather I don't let you drive me everywhere anymore. No seatbelts, you know." That wasn't the reason at all. Neela's father had never seen Ray's car closely enough to notice the lack of seatbelts. "We're actually going to look at a car for me next week. I mean, I do know how to drive, so…" They were going to look at a car because she'd begged him to.

"Oh. Cool." The silence was as awkward as all the silences were these days. "I'll see you at school, then."

"Yeah." Neela replied. She left without even saying goodbye.

--

"I can't believe you're still buying the bastard a present." Regina said as she and Neela exited the seventh store of that afternoon.

Neela groaned. "Look, I've told you, birthdays are important to me. I just want to get him something he'll like and celebrate his birthday. That I'm mad at him hasn't got anything to do with it."

"Alright," Regina said, "but I still don't think you need to be putting this much effort into it. We've been walking around for over an hour and you think all of my ideas are stupid."

"I'm not getting him a snake for his birthday." Neela said with laughter in her voice. "Nothing he can kill, thank you."

"It would've fit his personality." Regina reasoned.

"You know," Neela said, "I brought you along because I thought you of all people would have some good ideas."

"Where the hell did you get that idea? I don't know the guy all that well."

"You've lived next to him your whole life. Plus, you hate him." Regina just stared at her, nonplussed. Neela explained: "You can't hate someone without knowing that person. Otherwise there wouldn't be a reason for your blinding hatred. And since you refuse to tell me what it is he did for you to harp on about his evilness all the bloody time…"

Regina raised her eyebrows at her friend. "Wow," she noted sarcastically, "that sure was subtle. If you must know, it's not even him specifically that I can't stand. He's just the most blatant example. Guys like him, the 'rebel without a cause' types, the ones that think they're so cool because they don't care about anything, are just wastes of space. And Ray, well, I've known him for forever and in addition to being a waste of space, he's also an asshole. Up until the summer between sophomore and junior year, he was just a big bully. I don't know what happened that summer, but I won't forget him and his so-called friends vandalizing the school and terrorizing his classmates just because he calmed down some. And I won't forget it just because you think he's great, either."

"That was actually a lot more rational than I was anticipating." Neela said after a moment of contemplation. "And I don't think he's so great."

Regina snorted. "Give it a week."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Neela sighed. "You can't think of anything he'd like? Anything at all?"

Regina shrugged. "The only thing I know he likes is you."

Neela nodded; that was something to think about.

--

At exactly 6:13 AM the next Saturday four alarm clocks started beeping in the only messy room in the Barnett household. Ray woke with a start and fell out of his bed with a loud thump. He let out a string of swearwords and placed his hands over his ears in an attempt to block out the incessant beeps, eyes firmly closed, as if he was convincing himself he was still sleeping. After a few moments the sounds stopped and he dared to open his eyes. What his eyes met were a pair of jean-clad legs, one foot tapping impatiently. He looked up and frowned, trying to focus his tired eyes.

Neela was standing over him with a tray in her hands. She looked vaguely amused by his early morning state.

"Neela?" He croaked out, getting on his feet. "What time is it?"

"Quarter past six." She answered and pertly placed the tray on the bed. "I brought you a birthday breakfast."

"You brought me a birthday breakfast at 6:15?" He asked in disbelief. The tray on the bed indeed held a full breakfast. He looked around and noticed the four alarm clocks. "And you set _four_ alarms to wake me up? Jesus, you're evil when you're mad at me." Ray suddenly appeared much more alert then he had second ago. "_Are_ you still mad at me?"

"Yes." Neela answered honestly. Ray visibly deflated. "However," she continued, "it's your birthday and that's what's important. We'll see how mad I am at you after this asinine party tonight."

"You're actually coming?" Ray asked as he sat down on his bed and started on his breakfast.

Neela couldn't bring herself to mask how that question affected her. "Would you rather I didn't?" She asked, hurt clear in her voice. "'Cause I've got no issues with staying home. I'm sure I could do without you and your hundreds of friends." She turned on her heel and headed for the door.

Ray and his long legs managed to get there before her, blocking her path with his tall frame. She stood before him rigidly. "That's not what I meant." He insisted. "I just didn't think you'd want to come. You were pretty fucking upset about the whole thing and I know you and Jean don't get along."

Neela rolled her eyes. "There's the understatement of the century." She crossed her arms. "You really thought I wouldn't come to my best friend's birthday party?"

"I hoped you would." Ray said sheepishly. "But I thought you'd still be too mad."

"Well, I'm planning on coming." She relaxed a bit. "I got you a present."

Ray grinned widely. "Yes, presents! Hand it over!" He plopped down onto the bed, nearly knocking some things off the breakfast tray.

Neela handed him a square parcel wrapped in bright purple paper. Ray shook it a little. "Reggie gave me the inspiration."

Ray grimaced. "It's not going to explode or spray something in my face is it?" Neela shook her head. "Alright then, I'll take your word on that." He unwrapped the present like an excited child, ripping the paper off without hesitation. What he unveiled was a black photo album with "RB + NR BFF" stenciled neatly on the cover. Ray smiled. "BFF?"

"I told you Reggie was my inspiration."

Ray chuckled and opened the album carefully. On the first page was a picture of the two of them posing on the hood of Ray's Impala, it was snowing in the picture; it couldn't have been any later than January. "That's in the week we met isn't it? I took you to that diner down town. You had your very first deep dish pizza. Also the first time you called me an idiot, I think."

"It took me a whole week to call you an idiot? That can't be true." Neela joked.

Ray flipped the page. He found two pictures there; one of him in Neela's living room and one of Neela in his living room. They both looked incredibly uncomfortable. They were pictures of the first time they visited the other's house.

"Where did you get these?" Ray asked.

"I took the one of you and your mum took the one of me. I think she was just so thrilled you brought home a girl who you weren't doing the dirty with that she just had to take a picture. I don't even remember her taking it, but I asked her for pictures of the both of us and this one was in the stack." Neela explained. "She actually had a bunch of pictures of us I'd never seen before, it was kind of creepy."

"That's my mom, the secret stalker. Did she let you in, by the way?"

"Yeah, and then she went right back to bed."

"That's because you're the only one crazy enough to think getting up at 6 in the morning on a Saturday is a good idea."

"You were born at 6:13, so I had to wake you up at 6:13. Not my fault you couldn't have just come out at a normal hour."

"How the hell do you know that?" Ray exclaimed.

"Your mum told me." Neela answered matter-of-factly.

"Of course she did."

"Now, you look at that and go back to sleep. You can tell me what you thought of it at the party. Which I _will_ be going to."

Ray grinned and stood up to give her a hug. Neela once again stiffened as she saw him coming and, before he could reach her, blurted out her goodbyes and sped out the door. She mentally slapped herself for not being able to get over her recent nervousness in any moment that did not involve feelings of anger, the whole way home.

--

The big birthday bash wasn't as horrifying as Neela had expected. It didn't take her very long to find people she knew and settle down on some lawn chairs in the backyard with them. She'd never thought that people like the ones she was hanging out with these days would be her friends. Ever since moving to Chicago she'd been surrounded by musicians, guys with long hair and girls with tattoos, and never once had she felt out of place. She knew the types she was supposed to be friends with at school. She was top of her class at almost everything (second at history, her most hated subject, thanks to Regina's diligent note taking), a nerd, she supposed. She found the friends she did have endlessly more interesting.

She hadn't seen Ray since she came in, which suited her fine. She could laugh like this, just talk without feeling like glancing at him every few seconds. Dennis Muller kept touching her shoulder and making her laugh, she forgot about feeling weird about her best friend or mad at his girlfriend.

That didn't last as long as she would have liked. She felt someone tapping on her shoulder. That someone, to her dismay, happened to be Jean. She'd done her hair for the occasion, black hair coming down in bouncy curls. One thing could be said for Jean, Neela thought, she sure was beautiful. The look in her eyes, however, was uglier than Neela had ever seen her.

"Come with me." Jean said. She started walking without waiting for an answer. Neela wasn't the type of person to sit and avoid confrontation. She followed.

They ended up in the driveway. "Alright, so what is it?" Neela asked, already annoyed.

"I found something in Ray's room today." Jean said accusingly.

"I hope it wasn't on the floor, you might've caught a disease." Neela replied. She had a vague notion of where this might be going, but played innocent.

"You're a pathetic little thing, you know that?" The look on Jean's face was plain vicious. As it was she towered over Neela already, but with her back straight and her arms crossed she appeared even taller. "It's like you're not even trying to hide it anymore. Pictures of the two of you?" Neela winced, her suspicions had been correct. "This little crush you have would almost be cute if it wasn't so disgusting."

"I do not have a crush on Ray." Neela denied.

"Oh please, like the whole world doesn't already know." Jean scoffed.

On the inside Neela was beginning to panic. On the outside, she too stood up as tall as she could. "Afraid he'd pick me instead, are you?" She said, with all the bravado she didn't feel.

Jean laughed haughtily. "Let me break it down for you, Neela. Boys. Like Girls. When they see you, the first thing they think is 'boobs'. Now Ray," she said, like she was talking to a little girl, "thankfully has some boundaries and respects them, 'cause you're his 'best friend'." She actually gave air quotes. "And I'm not delusional enough to think he wouldn't cave if you keep mooning over him like some love sick puppy. So I suggest you watch yourself, or I'll do it for you."

Neela just stood before her motionlessly, trying to process her words.

The taller girl continued: "But there's one more lesson you should learn. The only thing boys like better than girls is pretty girls. So there's you and then there's me. I think we both know who's on which end of the spectrum."

Jean started to walk away but stopped when Neela said: "He told me I was gorgeous."

"That's what friends are for." Came the reply. "A little white lie to make plain Jane feel like a princess. Isn't he the nicest guy?"

It took all of Neela's self-control to keep herself from screaming 'after we KISSED!' at her retreating form.

She stood there, trembling in that driveway, for quite a while. She nearly screamed when she felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped away from it anxiously. Ray had joined her and she could see on his face that he was frustrated.

"Would you stop doing that?" He said through gritted teeth.

"You startled me, is all." Neela said breathlessly.

"I've been startling you for the past three months, apparently." He noted bitterly. Neela's heart clenched.

"What do you mean?" She asked in a small voice.

Ray tried touched her arm, she dodged his hand. "That's what I mean. Would you please just let me touch you?" He cried out desperately. "I can't stand you hating me anymore!"

"Hating you?" Neela was taken aback. He thought she hated him?

"You've been avoiding ever since we kissed, Neela. You take the _bus_ instead of letting me drive you. You won't let me touch you. You fight with my girlfriend every chance you get. Every time we're alone together you act like you can't wait to leave. What am I supposed to think?"

"I haven't been avoiding you. I take the bus because I can't depend on you for everything. I let you touch me all the time. I fight with your girlfriend because she's an awful person and you deserve better. I do not act like I want to leave you all the time. And maybe what you're _supposed_ to think is that it's been weird for me since we kissed. That maybe I haven't kissed as many people as you have. That maybe I'm embarrassed by this whole thing and you and Jean are like this constant reminder of me making a fool of myself?" Neela ranted. She left out the thoughts and the dreams and guilt inducing feelings. No need to dwell on those things, she thought, when so little could explain it all away.

"So you don't hate me?" Ray asked hopefully.

"No, I don't hate you." She paused. "I hate your girlfriend though."

Ray raised an eyebrow. "You don't say. Well, at least we know that feeling's reciprocated." They chuckled. Ray looked at her seriously. "It's been weird for me, too. Can't say I've ever kissed my best friend before."

"Odd, since Kyle is so good looking." Neela joked.

"Don't let him hear you say that." He smiled. "I'm being serious here, though. I've been trying to just be normal, but you've been shying away from me and it's not exactly helping."

"I'm trying to stop being weird about it. It's hard. Maybe I should try to get a boyfriend, get my mind of having kissed you."

"Yeah," Ray said, "I've been feeling like beating someone up."

"You wouldn't really…" Neela wondered.

"Wouldn't I?" Ray said enigmatically. He grinned and ran his hand down her arm. "I loved the album, by the way. Best present ever."

He headed back to the house. Neela let out the breath she'd been holding the entire time and shook of Ray's touch. She took one last deep breath before following Ray into the house. From now on, she was determined to be normal. She'd keep her feelings at bay, avoid Jean like the plague and let Ray touch her without recoiling.

Or at least, she'd try.

_TBC_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ray, Neela or ER in general. They belong to NBC and all the other people who have something thing to do with this show.  
**

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**Chapter**** 6**

_January__ 2003_

It was a cold afternoon in late January when Neela found herself pacing at the bottom of the steps that led to the entrance of New Hallow High. There was hollow burning in her chest, amplifying her nerves and causing her hands to itch. She'd been at those steps for nearly thirty minutes, waiting for Ray to come down. Earlier she'd feigned an inconvenient flat tire and begged him for a ride to school, thereby ensuring he would drive her back as well. Ray, however, had yet to exit the school and Neela swore she could feel her toes turning blue. This whole ploy was supposed to ensure she would talk to him today; it was supposed to force her to spill her secret. The secret that caused that burning in her chest and made her feel guilty every time she was near her best friend. It had been a while now, and today she _had_ to tell him.

Just as she was about to go back into the building and drag him out of there herself, he came sauntering through the door. The itch of her hands increased. She glared at him.

"Mr. Lawrence wanted to talk about my future," Ray explained, "again. I figured you'd have left by now."

"Didn't think you'd take this long. I missed the bus." She said in an accusing tone.

He pouted. "Sorry. C'mon, it's fucking freezing. Let's go."

As Ray started to walk to his car Neela lingered. "Wait!" She called after him. He turned around, his eyebrow raised. "I need to tell you something and I think it's best you're not driving when you hear."

Ray's other eyebrow joined its brother. He went back to the steps and sat down. "Alright, so spill."

Suddenly Neela forgot what she was going to say. She stood still for a moment, then started pacing again, muttering an 'uhm' or 'well' every few seconds. Ray watched her with a mixture of confusion and amusement. After a few minutes Neela finally seemed to know what to say: "You know Michael Gallant, right?"

"Tall? Black? Wears one of those spiffy letterman jackets? Yeah, I've seen him around." The tone of Ray's voice was similar to his facial expression, and the slight glee she heard did not calm her ever-present nerves.

Nevertheless she continued: "Right…so, uhm, he asked me out." Ray nodded, a bit of the amusement leaving his face. "And I said yes."

Ray cleared his throat. "Okay, fine. I've been telling you for ages to go out and get a life. One date won't hurt you. I mean, he's not your type but –"

Neela crossed her arms, slightly annoyed at Ray's readiness to declare anyone 'her type', and said with much more bravado than she's possessed earlier: "He's my type."

"Neel, he's a jock."

"He's got a 3.8 average. He wants to be a doctor." Neela defended.

Ray scowled. "Alright, he's your type. So why tell me? Do you want my permission or something?"

Neela took a step back and could no longer look him in the eye. "The date was three weeks ago."

"Okay, so not asking for permission, I guess." Ray said, obviously taken aback.

"And the reason I know he's my type is because he's my boyfriend." She closed her eyes, preparing for the torrent of disbelief and indignation surely to be coming from Ray's mouth soon.

All he said was: "Wow, you're a better liar than I thought you were."

Neela's eyes popped open. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Ray stood up and walked over to her, stopping right in front of her face. "Well, you are either lying about dating Michael Gallant or you've been lying to me for the past three weeks. Either way you did it with a straight face. Congrats."

Neela looked up at him, any leftover nerves long replaced with anger. "You lied to me about Mascara Barbie for two weeks! You bloody hypocrite!" She poked him in the chest.

"I apologized for that! And I do believe you've been lying a whole _week _longer, Neela. How 'bout you start practicing what you preach?"

Neela didn't answer. They glared at each other in a tense silence for a while. Neela swore she could see a vein in Ray's neck throb.

Finally Ray blurted: "Did you sleep with him?"

"What?" It was the only thing Neela could think to respond to such a question.

"Did you _sleep_ with him?" Ray repeated, his jaw set in anger.

"Did you sleep with Jean after three weeks?" Neela meant it to be rhetorical, but Ray's response was not what she'd hoped to hear.

"Oh God! You slept with him?" Ray turned away in disgust.

"It is none of your business who I have or have not shagged!"

"I'm your best friend. If you want to go around fucking random jocks, it _is_ my business. If I have to put a fist in the face of every varsity asshole in Chicago, then fuck it, I will." Ray raged. "I am your best friend and it is my job to protect you from those losers and the tiny dicks that guide them."

Something in a corner of Neela's heart (the very corner she'd sealed of when she'd decided even thinking about liking Ray _that_ way was a one-way street to disaster) fluttered at the protective growl in his voice. Something in every corner of her ever-so-logical _head_ told her he was being an idiot. As usual, she chose to follow her mind.

"Bollocks!" She nearly shouted at him. "You are not my personal body guard, Ray. You have no right to say anything! You are not my father, you are not my brother and you sure as hell aren't my bloody boyfriend!" She could feel herself inching closer to him, readying her fists for a serious beating, but she did not stop. "And for your information, I did _not_ sleep with _anyone_." Ray looked too relieved for her currently very angry state, so she added:  
"_Yet._ Not everyone's a big slut like you. And even if I had, you have no say in who I do and do not date. What is wrong with you? You don't even know him!" She then hit him in the chest – hard – with her fist, causing him to yelp and her to feel triumphant. She sighed, happy with the release of frustration.

"Do you want me to get to know your boyfriend?" He asked, cautiously, after a moment.

Neela looked him in the eyes earnestly. "Yes." She said. "It could go horribly wrong, but I think you'll like him if you'd just have a good talk."

"Then we'll have a talk. We'll do a double date. You and Michael," Ray said the name like it pained him, "me and Jean. This weekend. It'll be…fun."

Neela nodded, knowing that them being in a room with Jean – a thing she'd successfully avoided since Ray's birthday – and Michael was sure to end with someone losing a limb, but willing to, just this once, hope for the best.

--------------

It was awkward. There were no two ways about it and everyone at the table could feel it. Neela fiddled with her fork nervously. Ray pursed his lips. Jean examined her perfect fingernails. Michael coughed several times.

Finally Jean broke the silence. "So, Michael, how did you and Neela meet?"

Everyone perked up, happy with the ice breaker. Michael smiled. Neela noticed – not for the first time – how nice his smile was. It was just as charismatic as the rest of him. Still, a tiny bit inside of her wished he'd smirk, just once. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind and focused on Michael again.

"We've had biology together since last semester and we kept getting paired up so we got to know each other really well." He recounted. "Then a few weeks ago I finally gather the courage to ask her out." He reached for her hand. "I guess I'm lucky, 'cause she said yes."

"That's so sweet."

"Yeah," grumbled Ray, "real sweet."

Neela shot him a look from across the table. "You know," she said, "you never did tell me how you and Jean got together. Please Ray, share."

Ray shot her a look right back. If hers said 'don't be an ass', his screamed 'yes, mom'. "We met at a party. Events transpired. The rest you know." He said simply. He did not sound like he was up to sharing anything more.

Jean latched on to his arm and smiled a sickly sweet smile. "It was love at first sight."

"How romantic." Neela said.

Once their food came they settled into a slightly uncomfortable silence. Neela noticed Ray kept glancing at Michael from across the table. She's known this wouldn't go well. Hadn't Ray promised to beat up any guy who had the guts to come near her? And it did take guts; every boy at school with even an ounce of self-preservation in their bones knew Ray Barnett loomed over Neela Rasgotra in the halls like a bodyguard. Neela knew it too. Even when he wasn't _right there_ behind her and even when she couldn't see his shadow fall over her and hear his footsteps just a pace behind hers. She could feel his eyes on the back of her neck all the time. Oddly enough, she found it reassuring.

After she'd told Ray, she and Michael had been very public about their dating. She hadn't had lunch with Ray and Kyle in days, instead ending up sitting with Michael and his friends. While Michael certainly did not belong in the box of 'dumb jock', Neela could not say the same of his friends. She loved Michael's ability to make her laugh and even more his ability for smart conversation, but with his friends he was every bit the stereotypical jock she'd so adamantly claimed he was not. It made her long for the days when she'd ignored him at school and had him for herself outside of it. Now they were together all the time, but never really alone.

"Neela, I asked you something." Ray's biting tone pulled her from her thoughts.

"Sorry. What was the question?" She played dumb.

"Kyle's birthday. It just sort of occurred to me. You weren't feeling sick that day were you?" He pursed his lips once again. She knew he only did that this much when he was agitated and waited for him lay out his conclusion. "You were with Captain America over here."

"Please don't call him that." She rolled her eyes. "And yeah, I was."

"You lied to your best friend so you could play tonsil hockey with this guy?" He scoffed. "Well, that just makes me feel great."

Michael looked from Ray, who was looking at Neela with barely concealed anger, and Neela, who was looking at with barely concealed hurt. "Listen," he finally said, "I don't mean to cause any trouble between you two."

Ray shifted his angry glare to Michael. "Too late."

Nobody said anything. Not even Jean, who usually could not resist putting in her own two cents when things were looking bad for Neela.

Neela just covered her eyes with her hands and waited for the check to arrive.

----------------------------

It was a week later and Neela still had not spoken to Ray. The first few days it was because she'd avoided him like the plague. By Wednesday she was looking for him, only to realize he was avoiding her as well. When she spoke to Kyle, who was anything but happy to see her, she learned Ray was spending all his time and effort on his car and the fine art of staying away from her. Now it was Saturday and she was feeling worse than when she was still lying to him.

Except for this precise moment, as she couldn't help but feel the giddiness and excitement build in her stomach as Michael blew a raspberry right above her navel.

"You've had practice at this." She giggled. He grinned that big toothy grin of his against her skin.

"Do you mind?" He asked, looking up at her.

She shook her head. "Can't hold it against you, can I? Not everyone has a Ray making sure they don't 'practice'."

Michael sat up, the smile having left his face. "Did you have to mention him?"

"I'm sorry." She said, sitting up as well. "He's just on my mind. He won't talk to me."

"So just let him be an asshole if that's what he wants."

"He's my best friend." Neela protested. Michael scoffed at this. "Well, he is. He just…he's not used to having to share."

"You're not a thing, Neela. He doesn't own you."

"It's not like that."

"It sounds like that."

"He's feeling betrayed, alright?" Neela said, now getting a little bothered. "I know how he feels. I went through this whole thing with the disaster that is that cow he calls his girlfriend. I was angry, I was upset and I learned to live with it. She's still there and we don't like each other, but I can't change it. Ray just has to get over it. Give him some time."

"You give him too much credit. What he is is jealous."

"I don't think so. Not in the way you mean."

"If that's what you want to tell yourself." He said as he pulled her towards him. "Now what were we doing again?"

Neela squealed as the raspberry landed lower than before and wiped thoughts of Ray from her mind.

-------------------------------

It was another two weeks until Neela and Ray finally spoke again.

She'd waited for him at his car; sat on the hood like she knew he hated and waited for him. He approached her with his head held high and his arms crossed, but Neela could see the weariness in his eyes.

"I've had more than enough of this bullshit." She said in lieu of a greeting.

"You started this." He answered.

"Oh, that's bollocks. We both know that." She slid off the car. "I finally got a life and you hate it. You've been throwing this stupid bloody temper tantrum for almost a month now, have you realized that?"

"Of course I've realized that." He nearly spat it at her. "Maybe this has just made me see that you and I are two very different people and that this thing we call a friendship is just not going to work."

She punched him on the chest, much like she had three weeks ago. "Don't be a fucking asshole, Ray. We both know that isn't true. I know you still look at me in the halls. I can feel your eyes burning holes into my back, I always have. You haven't stopped. Don't deny it."

Ray raked his hands through his hair (which was becoming quite long) and released a deep sigh. "I don't know how to deal with this."

"You just have to…let it be, Ray. I hate Jean, like, really hate her. But I know you don't so I just let it be as much as I can. Can't you do that for me?"

Ray smiles wryly. "I haven't beaten the crap out him yet, have I? I'm letting it be."

"He's a big guy." Neela said, not believing he could take Michael.

"I'm spry." Another deep sigh. "You and him? I don't like that. I don't like that at all."

"Michael thinks you're jealous."

"I don't give a shit what Michael thinks." He paced a little. "Jean dances with other guys all the time. It doesn't bother me. It really doesn't. This thing of yours just makes me angry. I don't know how to deal with that."

"You're going to have to figure it out." She snapped and leaned back against the car. "I slept with him." Ray head snapped to her face in surprise. "A couple of times now."

"I really, really, really don't need to know that."

"You and Kyle talk about who you're shagging all the time. Never seemed to care about my virgin ears."

"That's different."

"Why?"

"Because it's you!" Ray exclaimed. "You and him doing things I really don't want you doing. Especially not with Michael goddamn Gallant."

"You _are _jealous." She said with a bit of amazement.

"I _can't_ be jealous." Ray insisted.

"That makes no sense."

"I can't be jealous." He repeated.

"Why not?"

"Because that's a line that I'm not crossing. I've almost fucked us up enough times without crossing the line. If I allowed myself to get jealous of you and Captain America I'd fuck us up forever. I'm not doing that." He looked at Neela, his eyes a little desperate. "I'm not."

"So you're not jealous." She said in a near-whisper.

"So I'm not jealous." He affirmed.

Neela felt that all familiar tug in her heart, in that little corner she was trying to forget about. She reached out for him. He took her in his arms, lifted her up and squeezed. She smiled into his shoulder.

"There was a while when I really wanted you to cross that line." She admitted, still in his arms.

"I know, but I can't and…I won't." He said firmly.

"Then you can't treat me like you _have_. You can't treat _Michael_ like you have." She pulled out of the embrace.

"I know." He truly did seem to understand. Then his eyes went wide, like he just thought of something. "I forgot to tell you! I broke up with Jean."

Neela gasped. "And you wait for the whole emo bit to escalate to hugging before you tell me this?"

"Figured I'd leave the best news for last." He grinned.

"You don't seem too torn up about it." She said, matching his grin. This had always been their dynamic; they fought, they fought a fair bit, they talked about it in a way that she knew was more emotional than Ray was fully comfortable with and then one of them would say something stupid or random and it would be as if nothing ever happened. She liked it that way, because the way those conversations ended tended to mess with her mind and her heart. The silly moments kept her sane.

"I found out the hard way that it isn't nearly as fun to be with her without you there to disapprove of it." Neither of them could keep the laughter inside.

That night, for the first time in three weeks, Neela brought her boyfriend and best friend together. They played some shooting game, which Ray figured was the best way to get out his aggression and Neela thought was barbaric but went along with anyway. And for the next few weeks there was something akin to peace between the two boys Neela liked to call her own.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ray, Neela or ER in general. They belong to NBC and all the other people who have something thing to do with this show.

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**Chapter 7**

_April 2003_

It was the calm before the storm and every senior at New Hallow could feel it. College letters were in and the end of finals was just around the corner. It felt like heaven and hell at the same time. For Ray, however, it felt like hell had come and taken over. He was stuck in an empty classroom during lunchtime with Neela hovering over him like a drill sergeant. She'd devised a schedule so rigorous he actually had planned bathroom breaks. He didn't quite understand her anxiety to get him through finals. His grades were already okay; she'd made sure of that throughout the year. He'd been close to equaling her on the SAT's. With a long-suffering sigh he voiced these thoughts. In response, she looked at him like he was dense.

"Because I want you to kick these exams' arses and wipe the condescending smirks off the faces of everyone who's ever doubted you." She said aggressively. "You got into Northwestern for Christ's sake."

"Exactly," Ray said, "the mission is already accomplished. Can I please have my life back now?"

"No." Fierce determination had always been one of Neela's more prevailing features. "You are going to get a bloody A on every single final, even if it's the death of me."

"Why aren't you annoying the shit out of Regina or, dare I say it, Captain America?" Neela raised a single eyebrow at this. "Right. Because they're fucking perfect on their own. You could help Kyle. The poor guy's just getting by on C's."

"Kyle's a hopeless case. He's lucky he got into any school at all. I can't work with potential that isn't there, can I?" She stated, rather matter-of-factly. Ray barely grimaced at her cold demeanor.

He was getting used to Neela's vicious pre-finals persona. Two days ago she called her Chemistry teacher an "incompetent, backwater fuckwad who wouldn't know brilliance if it hit him in the face with a tow truck" after she'd received an A instead of an A+ on a paper. Ray attributed it to the stress. So, as it were, all he said was: "Ouch."

"Well, fuck it, it's true." She was also swearing a whole lot more. "Now, the bell rings in twenty minutes, so hurry up. It's just chemistry, you're good at chemistry. It's the last final, you can do it!"

"Yes, I can. I can also do it _without_ your help. Your little boy is all grown up, mama bird, time to let go." He said it with a brilliant grin and a terrible southern twang. Neela didn't smile. She didn't look annoyed. She looked sad, a little contemplative, even. Ray's grin melted down to a more content half-smirk. He reached for her hand.

"Hey," he said, as gently as any 18-year-old boy could, "you haven't gotten rid of me yet. You, me, Northwestern. It'll be great."

This did not make Neela feel better, but she smiled regardless. The truth was that she didn't know whether she would be going to Northwestern, and it was killing her. Her Yale acceptance letter was tucked safely into a folder in a locked drawer. It had been there for weeks now, together with her other letters (7 in all), waiting to be chosen. She hadn't told anyone, not even her parents, and there had been a thundercloud over her head ever since it had arrived. Everyone assumed it was because she had been rejected and she did nothing to correct them. Neela had been sure about one thing all her life; she wanted to be a doctor. Since her parents broke the news that they would be moving to America, she'd been sure of another thing; she wanted to go to Yale. Then, suddenly, once that letter was in front of her...she wasn't so sure anymore.

She looked at Ray, then at his hand clasping hers. The two of them, Rayandneela, the incomprehensible duo, were her identity. In England she'd been...she didn't even really remember what she'd been. Bookish and ambitious, undoubtedly. As jaded as any socially awkward, wise-beyond-her-years teenager could muster up being. She'd been marginally invisible, mostly because that's what she chose to be. No sports, no popular activities, no real friends. In Chicago she was different, not any more popular, not exactly more optimistic either. But Ray had been there, day one, and he had been intriguing. Being Ray's friend made her known, infamous, even if she herself hadn't changed. It was nice to be seen. It was even nicer to accepted. Ray and Kyle and Regina and all the random people they introduced her to took one look at her and her critical eyes and judged her unconditionally 'cool'. In their world of artistic bad boys and intellectual girly girls, she was not a novelty but an individual. She was afraid that she wouldn't be able to find a new identity away from them, Ray especially. Because as much as she would miss Reggie's amateur psychiatry and Kyle's quiet intensity, there wasn't a single part of Ray she wouldn't miss. Not even the part the made her want to smother him.

Neela pulled her hand back and cleared her throat. "That's enough for today." She said, even though the bell wasn't due to ring for a while.

Ray grinned again and leaped out of his seat. "Thank you!"

She rolled her eyes. "You're still on probation." She warned.

They headed towards their spot on the stairs where Kyle would be waiting for them. He always was, no matter what time of the day; if you needed Kyle, you knew where he was. On the way they passed Michael. Neela did not greet him, but gave him a scathing glance instead. Ray was puzzled (though not unhappy).

"What'd he do? Do I need to hurt him?" The prospect excited him.

"It's nothing."

"Really?" Ray said skeptically. "'Cause you were giving that look you always give me when I do something stupid."

"I did not give him a 'look'!" She exclaimed, affronted.

"Yeah, you did. You've given it to me enough; I know what it looks like. It's the 'if-I-never-see-you-again-it'll-be-three-months-too-soon' look." She frowned, her lips tightening, there was hellfire in her eyes. "Yep, there it is." He quickened his step.

"He told me some news yesterday." The thunder was obvious in her expression. "He's joining the army."

This nearly stopped Ray in his tracks. "He's what?"

"They'll pay for med school and the like, he said. He's following in his father's footsteps. Serving his country, whatever that means." Her heart was still thumping loudly in her chest with anger. "He's going to get himself killed is what he's doing. I don't care if they pay for school, he's going to have to fight eventually. That's how it works. I can't be with someone who's willing to get blown up for a war that shouldn't even be fought. So fuck him."

"Jesus." Ray said under his breath, amazed. "You okay?"

She smiled the wry smile she so often saw on her best friend's face. "I'll live."

Neela stared at the paper in front of her. There were two columns - pro and con - both empty. It wasn't often that Neela resorted to pro/con lists, but she was at her wit's end. She tapped her pen to the con column. A reason no to go Yale was...

Ray.

She crossed that out. Stubborn as she was, she refused to put him at the top of the list. It wasn't rational, not good enough a reason for anyone but the little voice in her head.

She was afraid she couldn't acclimate. She nodded. Now a pro.

Yale was a top school. She'd worked hard for this. It was just the step she needed to start her career. She would meet new people with the same ambitions. It was fucking YALE.

She sighed deeply and painfully. That was the easy part. She had to send her decision by tomorrow. She needed to do this.

Ray, she wrote again. What would she do, she thought, with nobody to yell at? Nobody to call when she was bored? Nobody to steal pizza crusts from? She tried to imagine losing touch and it came far too easily. He'd make new friends; he was good at that. She'd find people eventually, she hoped. But even in her head New Haven was not enough like home and her friends devoted too much time to anatomy and not enough to crappy rock ballads.

Yale was a dream, a dream leading to a future that was part of a Grand Plan. She should not mess with that plan for a _boy_, no matter how much he meant to her. The crumpled the paper with a frustrated huff and blinked the tears out of her eyes. She looked at the clock; it read 22:30. She grabbed her phone and called the first number on her speed dial.

"Hey," she said, "just wanted to talk. How did your chem final go? You were gone before I could find you. Good! I guess you didn't need my help after all." She could barely keep her voice from cracking.

They talked until well after midnight. They talked about the most banal things, like school, his mother's attempts at baking and why brand shoes were a basic human right. In the back of her mind Neela was screaming at herself for doing all of this so easily with him. Even when talking to Reggie, who was quite good at holding a conversation, it never came this easily.

When she finally hung up the phone, Neela flattened the crumpled list and proceeded to stare at it until her alarm went off the next morning. She hadn't slept a wink.

The next day Neela cornered Regina near the bushes at the parking lot at school. The wide-eyed brunette took one look at the bags under Neela's eyes, and frowned like a worried mother would.

"Hey, you okay, hon?" She asked in her most matronly voice.

"I mailed my college replies this morning." Neela said earnestly. "I feel like crap, is that normal?"

"Uh…no. Not in general." Regina replied, slightly disconcerted. "Anyway, I thought you did that ages ago. I've been hearing nothing but 'Ray. Neela. Northwestern. High School part 2. Yay' for, like, a week and a-fricking-half now. The buffoon is very excited."

Neela was flustered. "Yeah, no." She said. "I've decided to go to Yale, after all, actually."

Regina's eyes narrowed in a way that reminded Neela of herself. "What do you mean 'after all'? I though you said Yale rejected you?"

"I never said anything, you lot just assumed, didn't you?"

"And why, exactly, did you let us assume?"

"Because I wasn't sure yet if I was going to go and I didn't want anyone to try to make the decision for me." Neela said. To her relief, it only sounded slightly rehearsed.

Reggie crossed her arms with an extraordinary amount of huffs and showmanship. "Nobody but Ray, you mean."

It was Neela's turn to frown. "This has nothing to do with Ray."

"Neela, I've know you for, like, two years now, and the first thing you told me was that you were going to go to Yale and be a doctor. This has everything to do what idiotic jackass and you know it."

"Don't call him that!" She protested, and then, with some hesitation, "And so what if it does?"

"So what? So what?" Regina was genuinely upset. "I'll tell you what! You're brilliant, Neel! You're going to be saving people, changing lives! Do you know what he's going to do? He's going to go from minimum wage job to minimum wage job, playing in crappy bands until, finally, he shacks up with some bottle blonde whore, has some chubby kids, and ends up driving delivery trucks for a living. That's what _he's_ going to do. And _you_ are _not_ meant to get caught up in that crap."

"Is that really what you think of him?" Neela asked, dumbfounded. "You know, you've known him your whole life, but you really don't know anything about him at all."

It was amazing to her, how Regina saw Ray. Not necessarily because she'd never though it herself, but because she'd learned over the course of their friendship that first impressions are deceiving. How could someone who'd spent nearly two decades living next to him not learn the same?

"Look, I know what you think of him. It's what everyone thinks of him, alright? Ray Barnett, he's irresponsible…and immature and infuriating. Most of the time he just acts like this ambitionless slacker. I know, okay? I _know_. It's bloody obvious alright? That he got into Northwestern is miracle. That he gets A's and B's has to be a fluke. He'll be in jail by the time he's 21. I FUCKING KNOW, ALRIGHT?!" She was nearly hysterical at this point. Her sleepless night was wearing her thin. God, everything from the past year and a half was wearing her thin.

"Neel…" Regina said in a near whisper, no longer angry but very much worried.

"For fuck's sake, Reg." Neela said, so, so tired at this point. "Why can't people see that he's not criminal and he's not an idiot? He's got potential. He got those grades by himself, he got into a really good university by himself. He's a great guy and my best friend, so I'm allowed to factor him into my decisions if I want to. It's _my _decision, not anyone else's. That's why I didn't tell anyone. I just needed some time, alright?" She sighed heavily, from the bottom of her lungs, and waited for Regina to tell she was crazy or weak or _something_.

Instead, Regina said: "Have you told him yet?"

Neela shook her head and Regina, who had always known how Neela felt about Ray but had never seen it with such intensity, could do nothing but wrap her arms around her friend and hold on tight.

Telling Ray was the one thing Neela was most afraid of. He wasn't likely to be relieved like her parents had been at breakfast. He wasn't very likely to go on a bender about putting certain people first like Regina, either. No, he was much more likely to be himself. And that was exactly what Neela did not want. If Neela was to one to instigate an argument, he was usually incredulous, at first, and biting and sarcastic, like her, later. If he was the one to start, which was rare, he was always raging, right away. But in situations like these, the type where Neela told him something that would shift his equilibrium, he'd bottle it up. And that could only mean disaster.

She decided to him when they were parked in front of her house when he brought her home.

"I've been lying to you." She said, not looking at him, playing with her seat belt.

Ray gave her a dark look and asked: "You have? What about?"

"Yeah," she answered morosely, "about Northwestern…and Yale."

He looked at her, not saying a word, obviously expecting the worst.

Neela continued: "I…I got into Yale. And I've decided I'm going." Finally, she looked at him and, oh, how she wished she hadn't. His eyes were downcast, his mouth set tight, his grip was nearly breaking the steering wheel. "Ray…"

"You'll do great." He said, interrupting. He did not smile, nor look at her. His hair hung low over his eyes. He took a deep breath. "You could have told me, you know. I'm not a puppy, I can take care of myself." He looked at her, then, smiling, but the smile didn't come close to reaching his eyes.

"I know. But you were so excited about both of us going to Northwestern and…"

"It's the 21's century, Neel. It's not like we have to send smoke signals to communicate. We'll keep in touch."

"Will we?" Because she really wasn't so sure.

"'Course we will." He said, flippant. His smirk did not reassure Neela.

"You're allowed to be angry with me." She said.

"I'm not angry with you."

"But if you are," she attempted to reassure him, "you can tell me. You can yell. It's…it's okay to act–"

"Neela–" He tried to interrupt.

"–because I know what you're like and–"

"–Neela, I'm not–"

"–and I don't want you burning down garages because of me–"

"–Neela. Wait, what? Did Kyle–"

"–and I want you to know that I thought about this for weeks and–"

He hit the steering wheel with a frustrated groan. "FUCK. Neela, will you listen? Jesus!"

She looked at him with wide, startled eyes. "Sorry."

"I'm not some little kid that needs to be supervised all the goddamn time, okay? Yale is your dream school, I get it. You should go and be with the other geniuses. If you didn't tell me because you thought I might freak out, I won't. I did just fine before you came along and I'll do fine when you're gone, okay? So just…go be with your people and be brilliant and…and…just go inside, Neel." Suddenly he sounded as tired as she did. "Just go inside and I'll see you tomorrow."

Once she was out of the car, watching Ray's Impala drive off, Neela couldn't help but feel like something had just gone horribly, horribly wrong.

_TBC_

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_I Heart Reviews_!


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